Pre-requisites for the visit:

1. The old copy of your BC.
2. Duly filled up application for issuing new copies (the form would be available at the BMC office).
3. A smile on your face (remember smile goes a long way … and a must have while visiting any Government/BMC office).
4. Speaking Marathi language is a sort of mandate in Mumbai offices. It will help you get the work done 10 times faster, believe me.
5. Make up a story to show the urgency.

So, I start my journey to give the first visit to the BMC office.
I filled out the application for issuing the new copy of BC and stood in the long queue awaiting my turn. There were around 10 people ahead of me in the queue and each took at least 10 minutes. Thankfully, one of the BMC officials was once struck with a bolt of lightning due to which he was forced to use some part of his minuscule brain and come up with the idea to put two counters to process the applications. So my estimated time in the queue was reduced to half, but still approx. 50 minutes. Meanwhile, there were people trying to jump the queue on which I had to keep a good eye. Some of these are genuine (like they were in the queue before and had gone to get some approvals, blah blah blah) and some are genuine “queue jumpers” (like they were born to do that). A few quarrels here and there over your number in the queue are anticipated. Do not get frustrated with them and remember you have to hold the plastic smile on your face, just like the bride and the groom at the wedding reception).

Finally, after 45 loooooong minutes, I am at the counter. I handed over my application to the officer behind the glass window (the window which has not been cleaned since 1961, and has the remnants of oil and sweat from the faces of millions of people, probably my great grandfather too). The officer looked at the papers and asked me “Is the computer entry done for this?” I was stumped. I thought the BMC must have already got all the entries computerized, but then I realized I had very high expectation from the BMC. The fact is BMC only converts those BC to electronic forms for which they receive an application. The rest are still lying in the gigantic registers that eat up more space than humans in any BMC office. So now, after 45 minutes I come to know that I would have to spend whatever time I spend in this queue again after I get the BC in electronic format. Happy realization!

Note: The new copy of BC can not be printed unless it is available in the electronic format. You can check the same at this link: http://www.mcgm.gov.in/irj/portal/anonymous/qlbirthcertificate. If it is not available there, you need to do what I did next.

The officer directed me to a room two levels upstairs. I got there to find a lady already in a sulking mood and ready to bite into any piece of meat that comes her way. But I kept my composure and also the smile (it had already started shrinking). I told the lady that I need to get my BC computerized. She took a good look at the papers. I already had the intuitions that she would just give me another pointer, and that’s exactly what she did, “This BC is from the year 1982. You need to go to Mr. Dalvi in the next room”. I was surprised. Is BMC actually that organized that they have different people assigned to different ranges of years, or is it just that the lady wanted to shift a little burden off her plate? No time to look for answers, I had to contact Mr. Dalvi.

Mr. Dalvi, a typical Marathi Manus, put in the typical Marathi Manus job, Clerical work at the BMC office. He was surrounded by 5-6 people, all with requests similar to mine and Mr. Dalvi was more than happy to spend his office hours like he would spend them at home on any other day, roaming around, speaking to his friends, what’s up with IPL and how he banged his wife the other day. That’s just too much exaggeration. The last topic is never discussed in Marathi Manus life.

After everyone got a date of later than two months from now, I got my chance to put my request forward. I handed over my papers to Mr. Dalvi and told him I need to get this computerized. Mr. Dalvi, as relaxed and lazy as he could be, took the biggest effort in his life of picking up the paper from my side and kept it on the other side under a paper-weight. He then put his hands behind his head and let out a big yawn, looked at me with dozing eyes and said “Come after two months”. I stood there in a shock for more than 5 minutes without speaking a word. Actually I did not know what to say to this guy. He was just creeping on to my nerves. Right then he re-iterated, “Bola na! Come after two months”. Slightly pissed off I decided to ask him about how much pain in his ass it would be that he is asking for two month’s time. But, since I had to keep my cool it came out this way, “Do you mind letting me know what is the process involved behind getting this done?” It worked. Mr. Dalvi could not get back at me with an angry tone. He said, “Need to find register, need to find entry, need to get it fed into the computer, too much work”. That’s it? That’s the only process behind it? I am sure Mr. Dalvi must be spending more time picking his nose than finding a BC entry. I asked, “Could I help you out with finding the entry?” and he goes “If I let you I have to let everyone find their own entries. Aisa thode na chalta hai?” Now I didn’t have a comeback. I knew that it was just a couple of minutes’ task, but I couldn’t find a way to get this done before two months. Slipping a 100 rupees note into his pocket would be a very orthodox thing to do and is out of fashion these days due to numerous sting operation scams. So I decided to do a little Emosanal Atyachaar!

I changed my smiling face to a bit sunken. I said (in marathi), “Saheb, I need to fly next month for which I need the BC done at the earliest. Please re-consider. I would be thankful to you”. Saheb (formerly Mr. Dalvi) glanced at my face and then his emotions, from one Marathi Manus to another Marathi Manus, started to take over. He asked me to leave my contact number and he will get in touch in a couple of days. Hurray! A bit of emotions and marathi had done the trick for me. I went home happily thinking it would all be sorted out now. Little did I consider the Marathi Manus talent of “How fast can you forget?”.

Two days passed and yet I didn’t get a call back from Mr. Dalvi. I was anyways not expecting a call back and had already decided to visit him again anyways. And so I did. Mr. Dalvi was not at his desk, but a pile of applications was lying on his desk. I searched through the pile and found my application, Mr. Dalvi had hand-written some number on it. I was happy to know that he had processed the application as promised. I folded one corner of the application, to allow quick search when Mr. Dalvi is back at his desk, and stood there waiting for him. After around 15 minutes, the Saheb was back. “Hello Saheb, I had come that day to get my BC done. I think it’s done and it is in that pile of papers” I said. Mr. Dalvi replied, “This pile, this is not done yet”. I closed my fist so tight I almost broke a bone. I told him again that I have to get this done within this week or else I might lose the opportunity of going abroad. He asked for another couple of days time. I went back home, this time without any hopes. I was expecting the same old story to be repeated after a couple of days.

Two days later, I am back at Dalvi’s desk (forget Saheb and the title of Mr.). I had made up my mind that this time it would be it. I said, “Hello. I had come the other day … (ditto from previous para)”. Dalvi looks up at me and goes “Who are you?” That was it! I got so furious that I was about to throw up a shit load of abusive puke on to him. But I held myself back.

Me: “I am Chandan. You had called me back after two days”.

Dalvi: ”You are Thorat right?”

Me: “No, I am Chandan Malvankar.”

Dalvi: “You said Thorat that day.”

Me: “I said Chandan Malvankar.”

Dalvi: “I thought you said Thorat.”

Me: [Cut this shit out] “So what did you do.”

Dalvi: “I processed some Thorat’s application.”

Me: [Hell No] “Let me see that pile” (I grabbed the pile and started looking for my paper. Found it. Handed it to Dalvi).

Me: “Is this application done?”

Dalvi: [No] “Is it urgent?”

Me: [For the thousandth time YES] “Yes. It is urgent. I need it today itself”.

Dalvi: [shrugging his shoulder] “Okay”.
He went to one of the cupboards in the room on which a list with paan stains was stuck. He looked through the list to find a register number, went to an unorganized rack full of dusty old registers, with papers so old, you touch them and they get torn apart. He then picked up the register number 55 and opened the first page from where he noted down certain number onto my application.

Dalvi: “Come back after 15 minutes. I’ll get this entry done on computer”

Me: [It’s now or never. Do it right now!] “I need to rush back to office. Please see if you can get this done right now”.

Dalvi: “Hmmmm”.
He walked to another room where the smoldering lady I mentioned earlier was seated. This time the lady was in a better mood I guess. She took the application and made the entry on the computer. That’s it! My BC was finally in the electronic form. Yipppeeee! Now it’s just the matter of getting print outs.

I ran downstairs to join the queue, which I feared to be long again and would take another 45 minutes to get pass through to the counter. I don’t know if it was by god’s grace or was it just because I took a bath in the morning, but it was my lucky day. There were just two people in the queue, so my turn came in just 10 minutes. I handed the application checked the name, address, etc, paid him the printing charges and Taaaadaaaaa!!! It was done. I could not believe how much the BMC crib about the work load, which, if they do in a systematic way, could be done in minutes. They have been prone to piling up the work and then do it in one go on the last day of the month, 'coz that is when the salary arrives and they need to show their superiors that they do work their asses off.

So, to summarize, do not believe in the dates that BMC officials give you. Any BMC work can be done within a day. You just need to push the tempo by using your own work around.

Note: There is also a process of legalization of your BC. For this you need to visit the Ministry of External Affairs and get this done. This will just require one visit to the office. For people who work in corporate offices, they can get the legalization done through their travel desk authorities avoiding the hassle of doing it personally.

Hoping to tumble over many such experiences and enlightening mankind about how to overcome the lethargic attitude of the Government and BMC officials.

Adios!
Chandan